You might be an Episcopalian if...

Because I live just a few miles from Sewanee: The University of the South (new, correct way of calling it), and St. Andrews boarding school, I had to affectionately laugh when I read this.

You might be an Episcopalian if...

…you recognize your neighbor, or rector, in the local liquor store and go over to greet him/her.

…if you have totally memorized Rite I, Rite II and the first three episodes of *The Vicar of Dibley*.

…if while watching the movie “The Madness of King George” you’re able to recite with the King, when he undergoes “surgery,” the Collect for Purity

…if words like: “vouchsafe”, “oblation”, “supplications”, “succor”, “bewail”, “wherefore”, “dost”, “meet”, and “very” (in its archaic sense) are familiar to you even if you don’t have a clue that they mean.

…if you can pronounce “innumerable benefits procured to us by the same.”

…if hearing people pray in the language of “jesuswejus” makes you want to scream.

…if you can rattle off such tongue twisters like: “..who made there by his one oblation of himself once offered a full and perfect sacrifice, oblation and satisfaction for the sins of the world” and “Wherefore, O, Lord and Heavenly Father, we thy people, do celebrate and make here, with these gifts which we offer unto thee, the memorial thy Son hath commanded us to make…” without missing a beat.

…if someone says, “Let us pray” and you automatically hit your knees.

…if the word “Sewanee” puts a lump in your throat.

…if you catch yourself genuflecting or bowing as you enter a row of seats in a theater.

…if your choir director suggests discussing something over a beer after choir rehearsal.

…if, when visiting a Catholic Church, you are the only Ah-men amongst a sea of Ay-mens

…if your covered dish for the potluck dinner is escargot in puff shells.

…if you think the most serious breach of propriety one can commit is failure to chill the salad forks.

…if your picnic basket has sterling knives and forks (entree, fish, salad and cake).

…if you ever find yourself saying, “Oh, but we’ve never done it that way before.”

…if you know that a sursum corda is not a surgical procedure.

…if you don’t think Agnus Dei is a woman.

…if you know the difference between a surplice and a cotta…and the appropriate use of each.

…if you know that the nave is not a playing card.

…if you know that the Senior Warden and the Junior Warden are not positions in the local prison.

…if your friend said “I’m truly sorry…” and you replied, “and you humbly repent?”

And finally….

…if you reach a point when you’re not sure about anything theologically but you still feel completely at home at the altar rail and somehow know you’re meeting God there, even though you can’t begin to understand how.